After taking a pummeling in my accounts in mid-January, I mentally reset and got my act together to string a win streak for the rest of the month. Broke the streak today, womp womp. My eval account wasn’t in bad shape, but I had a free reset from Topstep that is set to expire in a few days, so I figured I’d apply it now. So, starting fresh with the ol’ eval account again. My real account was doing pretty well, but today I kept trying to buy the micro dip (rather than wait for major levels) and cut my account up trying to catch knives. The good news is that I didn’t completely decimate the account; the bad news is that CLEARLY there are still weaknesses in my performance. But I suppose the good news with THAT is that I CAN fix them. I believe in Mancini’s methods; it’s when I stray that get burned. I really do think finding a strategy that works is half the battle; the other half is adhering to the strategy without exception.
So, I’ve got to fix the holes in my game. But I do find it slightly encouraging that it seems like I’m narrowing down the path to improvement, even if it feels like a big hurdle at times.
I think one thing that has helped me mentally has been paying myself as I grow my account. For every $200 I make, I have been withdrawing $100. I think it helps knowing that a portion has been locked in, that even if I were to go completely off the rails, I took some out first. Today’s losses in the real account was a decent chunk, but I know I’m not beating myself up about it nearly half as much as I would be if I hadn’t withdrawn.
Anyway, there’s a bunch I could unpack about today, but in a nutshell: I think impatience and revenge got the better of me. Thankfully, I stopped in time, but still not soon enough for my liking.
I recognize the boom and bust cycle of my trading. I’ll do well for a week or two, with small but consistent wins. Then one massive red day wipes it all out. Then, I take off for a few days or a week, clear my head, and then gradually take wins again. How do I stay in that clear-headed place?
Perhaps more frequent breaks from the market are needed. Or perhaps I need to be much more mindful of my mentality when I take a loss…like IMMEDIATELY become hyper-aware of what I’m feeling/thinking when that stop loss hits, and step away from the computer. Otherwise, the feelings and thoughts just start snowballing and it becomes very difficult to think clearly or objectively.
I do think that I am, as Jared Tendler puts it, “sucking less.” But I know I have a lot more work to do to improve my performance and not take subpar trades when I see a negative number in my P&L.
If it seems like this is the same ol’ thing I’m always writing about…well, it’s because it is. Obviously, this is the current major hurdle I’ve got to overcome if I want to take another step towards profitability, so forgive me for the redundancy. But maybe this public “journaling” will help document my journey to overcoming this Achilles’ heel. Here’s hoping!